


The Thing About Giant Squid

by SlashHat



Series: Top Gear fic [4]
Category: Top Gear (UK) RPF
Genre: (though for all we know they would totally fancy cars if they did see them), Crack, Giant Squid are deep-sea dwellers, Not biologically plausible, Other, Very very little actual Top Gear content in this one, archiving old fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-03-13
Updated: 2008-03-13
Packaged: 2020-05-31 09:47:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19423474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SlashHat/pseuds/SlashHat
Summary: Sometimes, you know from the very first time you set eyes on your beloved that it is meant to be.





	The Thing About Giant Squid

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the TopGearCrack Livejournal comm.

The thing about giant squid is, they have very good eyesight.

Well, that's one thing about giant squid, anyway. There are also other things about them, like the size, the tentacles, the nasty sharp beak, the ability to change colour and the surprisingly high intelligence. The thing about this squid, however, was the good eyesight. He could see unusual activity on the strand beside his fjord from quite a long way away, and jetted over to have a look. (Did I mention that the thing about squid is they're quite inquisitive?) There were a whole lot of people- not particularly interesting, usually, but these were behaving rather oddly. Most of them huddled together at one end of the beach, while another was alone at the other, wandering around and gesturing towards some sort of machine. And what a machine it was! The squid stared, poleaxed. The sleek lines! The shiny finish, the colour! He'd never seen anything that red. And were those transparent areas? What a temptress! She was nothing, nothing like the fishing boats that he had always ignored. He simply had to have her.

The thing about giant squid is, they're extremely strong. When a seething nest of tentacles surged out of the sea and grabbed the Ferrari, there was nothing anyone could do to stop it being dragged into the water. Within half a minute there was nothing to see but a violently disturbed patch of sand. The squid vaguely heard noises floating down from above- they sounded a bit like "My God, it's a good thing the camera was running, otherwise they'd never believe the claim form" and "Jeremy? Snap out of it!"- but paid no attention. He dragged his prize down, down, into a lair between two rocks, wrapped his hunting arms around her and began to stroke her contours with his tentacles, caressing, probing, writhing around and into her, letting his suckers bite in as he claimed his prey.

The thing about giant squid is, they're complete perverts.


End file.
